The Fabulous 00s: Beyond Chess Boxing – 2 on 2 Steel Cage Death Matches

Beyond Chess Boxing

Beyond chess boxing we have the natural progression of steel cage death matches.   The “ne plus ultra” of televised combat.

These matches, with or without weapons stapled to the chicken-wire perimeter fence, would heighten chess interest around the world considerably.  Audience ratings, in all probability, would exceed regular Chess Olympiad audiences.  We might have to avoid the “death” aspect to preserve the combatants for… yes you guessed, regular Olympiads.   You might want to take a look at a chess boxing video to see the areas of improvement.  You might also find this short “Rocky”esque clip amusing.

Try your hand at predicting the outcome in the following 2-on-2 team bouts:

Bout 1

In Bout 1, we will not have weapons.  The first team to get either member of the opposite side in a submission hold wins.  A draw, of course, means that both teams are so inept they cannot set up a submission hold.

Bout 2

In the second bout, we open it up to have a pickax, a shovel, and some Ninja shuriken on the walls.

Bout 3

The third undercard bout is a perennial US Chess League favorite.  With all the hot blog air blowing around NY and Boston, we need to settle things.  Here we have two rounds of two minutes each, a “speed” battle.  The weapons attached to the chicken-wire perimeter will be school favorites:  staple removers, Elmer’s glue, Scotch Tape, paperclips, and rubber bands.

I know what you’re thinking.  The above are pretty lightweight bouts.  There might even be scattered booing after the 2nd bout.  Let’s fix that with our next superstar team bout.

The Title Bout

Without further ado, let’s move on the “Gold Standard” of the evening.  In this title bout (fighting for the Chess Steel Cage, or CSC, title) we have Swiss Army Knives (yes, complete with the dreaded Toothpick and Tiny Scissors attachments) and garden variety chainsaws as weapons.  Take a “draw” to mean there are no survivors on either team.  Or, neither team was able to land a blow on the other in the 5-minute round, which is fairly plausible.

And in Entertainment News

Did You Know?

Infiniti plans an overhaul for their staid “M” car in 2010.  Already being sold in Japan, this “Fuga” redesign looks really good.  Bravo, Infiniti!

"M" redesign, available Spring 2010

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